Glory To The Keurig

keurigfanaticismThe most wonderful thing in all of creation is the Keurig. I know this statement may upset the Apple Gods who dwell in Mac-Land, but I will risk it.  I can FaceTime with them later and say 10 “Hail MacBooks”, if that is not good enough I guess they can burn me at the stake as a heretic. At one time I would have said that the iPad was the most wonderful thing in creation, but I have seen the light and now know the peace and joy that can only be attained from owning a Keurig.

When I wake up in the morning I can stumble blindly into my kitchen and hit the button. As long as I remembered to put a cup under the spout within seconds I will have a steaming cup of joyous-wakefulness in the form of English Breakfast Tea. If I forget about the cup I will have a mess on the counter that will still wake me up, but I will not have the joy until the next cup finishes brewing.

It does not matter if I want tea to go with my morning bagel and hummus, coffee to give me the extra energy to finish cleaning my house, or hot cocoa to enjoy wrapped up in a blanket on the couch watching a movie, my Keurig can meet the demands of my changing whims. This makes the Keurig better than a significant-other, because as we all know changing whims seem to cause them to malfunction. In that same line of thinking if the Keurig should malfunction it has a warranty and I have yet to find a significant-other where you get that kind of consumer protection.

It would be a better world if everyone owned a Keurig. It should be required by law. When you go into a government office they should check to make sure you own one just like they check to make sure you are registered to vote. World Leaders should have a Keurig loaded with Camomile Tea sitting next to their consoles that launch weapons of mass destruction. If they brewed a cup before they launched a strike it could calm them down and prevent a disaster. If that failed maybe we could get lucky and they would spill water or tea into the console and short it out, disaster still prevented.

need coffeeCome with me brothers and sisters and worship at the temple of the new kitchen god “The Keurig”. May its blessings be upon you.

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